A Day in the Life of a Highland Cow

Do you know the Highland cows? They are the cutest cows I've ever seen! It's almost imposible to visit the Scottish Highlands without encountering a Highland cow...

The following is a schedule of events in the life of a Highland cow in Summer pasture mode:

5:30 to 6:00 a.m . - Cows wake up. Senior cow gets up first and stands in front of the other cattle so they can admire her. All then get up and do a little ritual poop. Cows may make sarcastic greetings to each other like "good morning hairbag" or "who made those horns?"

6:00 to 8:00 a.m. - general grazing time, followed by a period of staring at the master's home. All drink water during this period.
8:00 to 9:00 a.m. - All cattle receive the master, reporting any overnight problems and complaints. Common complaints are: quality of hay, grass has lost it's crunch, why are we not being raked more regularly, etc. Master gives hay and they show appreciation by staring at him and threatning to break wire and escape or rub and kill more trees.

9:00 to 11:00 a.m. - Cattle find shade and socialize. The senior cow leads discussions...basically they gossip! They are very interested in visitors and the shoes, belts or gloves they wear...
11:00 to 4:00 p.m. - general grazing, pooping and peeing, rubbing on trees, trying to break fence, resting in shade, staring at master's house or watching him work around yard or barn. A highlight of this period is when master's wife yells at him or he does something stupid that appeals to their sense of humor. Highland cows don't laugh openly, but smile and grin with a slight upper lift of their mouths.

4:00 to 7:00 p.m. - eat hay master has given them, poop and pee followed by a time of meditation. Highland cattle have no religion but know they are sacred and play on this. Crop circles, sacred cows, their role at the nativity and in Scotland's history is very important to them. The face west as the sun sets and place their noses on the ground, standing perfectly still for up to a minute. It is a most moving ceremony.

7:00 to Dusk - Senior cow decides where they will bed down for night. She usually sleeps looking towards master's home, with other cattle behind. They are very quiet during this period; however, there is some lowing or "rowing" as they say.

At Dusk - To get to sleep, cows tell stories for night. These are epic tales which highland cattle have passed down for centuries... Some of their favourites are:
      - Wellington Wullie" - about a lonely shepherd who goes nuts and trys to ravish a herd of highlands.
      - Old Mary and the Wolf" - about an old cow who fights off a wolf to save her calf.
      - "How the snake got it's name", and on full moon nights, the horror tale "Jock be nimble, Jock be quick.

Then they fall to sleep secure in the knowledge that the master loves and cares for them and has been placed on this earth to serve their every need and be their devoted servant.

THE END